Thinking about wedding planning yesterday reminded me of a funny story. When you are planning a wedding Spanx will inevitably come up. Whether it’s your mom, your sister, or your best friend, someone will suggest you wear them under your dress. I took one look at them and knew I couldn’t wear that under my dress. I wanted to feel beautiful on my big day, understandably, and there is nothing sexy or beautiful about spanx. They try, but in the end you feel like you’re wearing extremely high-waist spandex bike shorts that stick to your rib cage.
I did however like the concept of spanx and set off in search of something more appealing to wear under my gown. One day at Macy’s I found what I was looking for, a pretty white corset. It was amazing. It made me look 5 pounds slimmer and put my curves in all the right places. It was pretty comfortable too, as these things go. I was so excited. I was sure I would wear this corset under everything.
I had a dress fitting soon after purchasing said corset and again it looked great. One problem though, the million hooks that goes up the front in the center was showing through my dress, as was the boning. I could live with the boning, and turn the hooks to the back. OK, not such a big problem after all. Time for a trial run.
It was my husband’s birthday and we were off to a fancy new restaurant on Boston’s waterfront. This was the perfect opportunity to take my new corset out on the town! I felt like a million bucks wearing this thing under my pretty new dress. No more square hip, belly pouch syndrome for me! Those curves were tamed.
We have a drink at the bar then get seated for our meal, outside right next to the water at sunset, perfect. About the time the appetizer appears I have worn the corset for an hour and the circulation to my chest is now being cut off. Not only that but the boning is poking into the tops of my thighs. This is not good. Now you would think I would have thought about what I would do if this situation arose, but I hadn’t. I had brought a tiny purse that fit my phone, ID, and nothing else.
We ate the appetizer and Mr. Pea remarks that I am getting paler. I now understand why women passed out wearing these things. Before dinner arrives I make a break for the bathroom to take the corset off. What a relief that was to remove! Now what?! I’m standing in the bathroom, corset in hand with nowhere to put it. Of course we had valet the car so that was out. I could throw it away, but I didn’t really want to do that, besides the bathroom didn’t have trash cans. This bathroom had actual hand towels with small laundry like bins to put those in.
Oh boy! I must have sat in there for ten minutes thinking about what to do next. In the end I wrapped a hand towel around it and walked it discretely back to my table. Hahaha! The color came back to my face and we were able to enjoy the rest of the meal. At the end of the night I again discretely held it while we walked around the waterfront and then waited for the car to be brought around. Mr. Pea did not approve of me stealing a towel, but even if someone noticed that I was carrying something wrapped in a towel they had no idea what it was. Certainly, they would not suspect I was walking around downtown Boston with my undergarment in hand! 😉
Needless to say, I have not worn it again. Neither spanx nor a corset made it under the wedding dress. I have read you should never experiment with new things on your wedding day; this is very, very good advise!